A conversation with my mother about Berlyn:
Mom: Beck! That milk is cold, you’re not going to heat it up for her? Oh! She’s drinking it so fast, Beck! It’s cold outside, heat her milk up. She’s going to get cold!! Beck…
Me: Mom, she’s fine.
My Mom: I don’t know…She’s drinking it so fast, is she going to get gas from drinking it that fast?? Oh! Beck! Her lips are turning blue! Rebecca! Get her a jacket her lips are BLUE!!
Me: Mom, she’s fine.
My Mom: Beck! Look, she has red marks all around her mouth. Do you think she’s having an allergic reaction? Beck, Look!
Me: ((deep breath)) Seriously Mom?? She was touching her face while signing for more food. Please calm down, or I’m going to have to ask you to leave.
I don’ t think my mother realizes that I have successfully taken care of Berlyn for the last 13 months, and she hasn’t died, or had hypothermia, or contracted the flesh-eating virus. Her head hasn’t mysteriously fallen off, and she looks like she is breathing most of the time. So, yeah, I’d say I’m doing alright.
I almost felt bad about eating my delicious, yet gentle sea creature. Almost.
I’m waiting. I am waiting very patiently. For my shipment of girl scout cookies. Are they here yet? I’m waiting for the sweet-faced little girls and their over-bearing moms to be standing outside of Albertson’s with a wagon filled with Tagalongs. Except they’re not called Tagalongs anymore. They changed all the names. Yeah, Tagalongs are called Peanut Butter Patties, and Somoas are called Caramel deLites. Lame. Or maybe I bought knock-off cookies. Whatever, I just hope they are as delectable as they were last year.
I have gathered a list of only the best phrases that people googled, my site appeared, and then those people clicked on my site. I hope I was helpful, especially to the people who googled Swedish food tube and hippo writes love to husband.
- what is the most important part of a hippo
- Swedish food tube
- hippos mating season
- hippo valentine photo
- hippo writes love to husband
- grocery store photos
- dreams of leprechaun
- dream being chased by hippo
- comment boxes with hippos
- baby diggle
- hippo cupcakes
- crazy candy lady
- 2 types of hippos
Admit it, We’ve all done it before. Most of us go through our day doing it several times, and not even realizing it. It starts out soft and breathy at first, then it sort of falls out of our mouths, husky, and unconvincing. It’s this clumsy noise we make when we’re uncomfortable or seeking acceptance–it’s the courtesy laugh. Mine sounds low and throaty and most of the time I don’t even open my mouth, it just sneaks out of the corners of my lips, as if to say, “that wasn’t even funny enough for me to move any of my major facial muscles.”
Personally, if I’m not funny, don’t laugh. Just keep a straight face, and watch what I do. I might just get the point and stop trying to be funny. Or I might get really sad and lock myself up in my house for 6 weeks straight. Either way, I’ll get the point, and you won’t have to make that weird noise that sounds like you’re choking and have the hiccups.
This was a SNL commercial for all the ladies. I laughed so hard, that I think I started my period.
At this Barney’s, there were no oafish purple dinosaurs singing lame songs.
I went to Sprinkles for the first time and had myself a red velvet cupcake–it was good, but all the hype surrounding the cupcake shop was better. There was a line that wrapped all the way around the front of the store, and I was all, “Really? All this for a cupcake?” And the lady behind me was like, “yep, really.”
Jenielle came with me and had the Vanilla cupcake to the right.
Berlyn apparently likes cupcakes. She kept digging her fingers into it and smearing it on her face, occasionally getting it in her mouth.
I hate to travel. I like new places, but hate getting there. Flying is the worst. I have a mini panic attack when the plane takes off, and any time the plane makes a noise, or when we’re flying over anything scary, like lots and lots of snow. Snow is scary. I don’t like to talk on the flight either. This is because I don’t like the way my voice sounds at 5,000 feet in the air. I’d prefer not to communicate in any form, I’d rather color in my Disney Princess coloring book, watch the in-flight movie, or take a handful of dramamine and try to fall asleep in a tiny ball. But there are some things about air travel that I like. For one, SkyMall. I love flipping through the catalog and seeing if they sell something would benefit my life. They answer is usually no, and I get disappointed and go back to coloring. But every once in a while the folks over at SkyMall surprise me with their products, like the T-Rex Dinosaur Trophy Wall Sculpture. Because I want my friends and family to think, when they come over to my house, that I not only came across a Tyrannosaurus Rex, but I also killed it, shrunk its head, mounted it, and hung it on my wall for you to enjoy.